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I want to eat hot dogs and smash things

July 5, 2010

Hot Dog Eating Champ

I feel guilty for waking up early and not doing anything nearly as great as eating 54 hot dogs in ten minutes. That is not the current champ, Joey Chestnut, but the previous champion of gluttony, Takeru Kobayashi. I’m not sure I am physically able to eat 54 hot dogs, and I don’t know how or why someone would want to do it. I was going to critique the sport of competitive eating and the gluttony of pop culture to endless consume anything and everything with total disregard for the future, but that’s boring.

Illustrative essays are easy. And since I use this medium for practice, I thought of some new ideas to make my point. Comparison and contrast, cause and effect, classification and division, definition, and process analysis are a few things I recall from lit class. A class in web design and internet writing would’ve been more effective, but reading about Wordsworth’s daffodils was loads more fun. But back to Kobayashi and how the internet makes focus that much harder and how smashing things is fun and how ideas begin organically and run away on their own and then how emotion recollected in tranquility might be the best way to write anything. BTW did you know that Wordsworth was born in Cockermouth, England. ROFLMAO.

Kobayashi is a Japanese competitive eater and a member of the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE). He held the world record for hot dog eating for nearly six years, and holds several other eating records, and is ranked third in the world for competitive eating according to the International Federation of Competitive Eating.

He was so pissed off at not being able to compete that he rushed the stage and pulled a Kanye. Mr Chestnut’s five minutes of glory were stolen from him because of jealousy. And when I was doing a little research for this post I had a hard time finding any information about the hot dog eating champ, Chestnut, because Kobayashi got cuffed by the five-O. A quick Google search of “hot dog eating” returned more results for Kobayashi’s arrest than Chestnut’s win.

That’s passion for you. Kobayashi wanted so badly to compete that he would get arrested.  That’s a person with a purpose, even if it’s hot dog eating.

I believe that’s what existentialism is all about. Living your life passionately. There is no right or wrong way to go about life except your way, and being good and not hurting things and stuff like that. If you woke up one day and were a bug then be the best bug you can be.

There’s a new game show that is so bad ass, I’m sure there is only one more year before the real Running Man show airs on television. That way only the best and most bad ass criminals are free to roam the streets. They must fight their way out of maximum security prisons. This show, that gives me so much hope for the future is called Downfall.

There’s nothing better than watching stuff you can’t earn or afford being thrown off of a skyscraper. Fuck that car that some single mother in Fresno who travels 3 hours a day to get to work and never sees her children needs. Throw it off a skyscraper.

Does that make me petty and jealous? Yes.

If I sit and think about this intelligently it makes sense. I want to eat hot dogs and smash things.


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