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How to have a happier new year or try not to repeat a bad one

January 3, 2012

Holy Cow! We’ve survived the new year without the sun careening into us or a zombie apocalypse. I’d say that makes this the best new year’s ever.

                                              Whales

So, you’ve got new year’s resolutions, huh? Well throw them out because the only way to get things done is to do them. You’ll probably throw them out anyways after a week at the gym. I appreciate the effort but damn, every lane at my gym is full of slow ass people.

Last year, I jumped into a shark tank and had fun. That was one of my resolutions, to write fiction. You should try it, too. Broken Pencil hosted my story in their Death Match. You can check it out here.

There’s a call for submissions until January 8.

Most resolutions come with some kind of beat down. I think writers enjoy a certain amount of punishment. James Baldwin never seemed very happy, and Hart Crane jumped into the ocean. He’s with the whales now.

Ah whales. I bet they don’t care about new years. They just hope we don’t eat them and dump oil all over their homes.

Lots of resolutions this year probably start with getting a job. Luckily Google has 118 million sites to help you with that. It’s really simple.

1. Look for a job

2. Apply for that job

3. Repeat ad nauseum

Writing about the best way to search for jobs is very popular and gurantees hits. It may soon overtake pornography as the most searched item. I don’t know what that says about the job seeking public. Maybe many have turned to porn.

Happy new year!

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