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How to write a resignation letter

Dear Restaurant,

My adjustment to this job is an epic failure. I thought, perhaps, I could juggle school with labour, and maybe I could, in smaller increments; or work without the labour of school. I do know the physical exertion coupled with the miscellany of education has made me a dull dishwasher.

The struggle to keep ahead of dishes is something like Sisyphus wearily and unrelentingly pushing a stone up a hill, only to have it roll back; or like the Roman Emperor Caligula ordering his army to collect every sea shell from the beach; or like trying to stop waves from crashing on the shore, and etcetera – all epic failures.

I don’t doubt your anger at my incompetence – that from your perspective looks simple. My perspective looks like an unnerving detachment against a lone barricade. The dishes move unrelentingly forward, and at the end of the night it becomes dishes bottlenecking with the traffic of pots. Each pot a new and disturbing disaster requiring time and efficiency; each dish a rising tidal wave.

I can only say I am mentally and physically drained and will serve the position until it can be filled by a more dutiful dishwasher – perhaps one with great optimism.

Sincerely,

Your Dishwasher

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. June 28, 2011 6:20 pm

    I absolutely adore this, Jeff! I believe I tried to write something similar to this – only not as successfully – when I was 17 and quit my job as a fountain girl at Howard Johnson’s. Great post.

    • jeffdoesread permalink*
      June 30, 2011 11:12 pm

      I can’t think of a worst hell than dish washing. Maybe being a fountain girl at Howard Johnson’s? I bet your resignation was hilarious. My restaurant found a much better dish washer, btw.

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